to post or not to post...

When things are going on, I debate how to tell people. Usually select family and friends hear things first and then maybe a blog post. Sometimes I just keep it to myself and wait it out. Sometimes I just go straight to Facebook to vent. The nice thing about a FB vent, is that it just gets it out there quickly to everyone. Sometimes people don't seem to realize it was just a vent though. When I post something, anywhere- keep in mind I am not usually complaining. I have my moments stuck in a funk when i grumble- for the most part I keep that to myself or for close friends that understand I am just moving through a tough spot. There is a difference between a vent to just blow it out and then move on and it being the center point of my day. Because it is my FB status does not make it the center point of my day!! Often by the time I get a post up there, I'm over it. Part of the reason I'm over it is because I let it out. Just because it keeps popping up in your newsfeed because others are commenting on it or something doesn't mean I am still stewing over it.

As part of my Yogic lifestyle, I am keenly aware of the state of my body. I notice things early. The fluid nature of balance and how things are in constant adjustment. Most of these little things I keep to myself. Trust me, you do not hear EVERY little thing going on. I'd have no time for anything else if I was to prattle on about weird things my body did all day long. So when I do say something, there is a reason. It is usually either 1) I need to vent or 2) I find it funny/absurd. Often when I am in a doctor's office, something that is a combination of the two happens.  I have a bizarre ability to bring out odd behavior & statements from doctors.  From my extensive experience hanging out with doctors, my theory is that 1) I am not a "normal" patient and 2) I have a lot going on and they can be overwhelmed. And I get that. If it wasn't my life, I would probably be overwhelmed by the amount I manage. However, it is my life and I am used to it and so I just keep going. While I may vent or laugh at the absurd nature of an appointment, know that most often I am giving the doc a break as well because when they woke up that morning they probably weren't expecting such a complicated history to walk in. Most of their patients are straightforward. I have issues in many systems and it can throw off symptoms/what they are seeing, I may not tell them something that has gone on for years as I consider it normal- the conversation usually takes weird twists and turns as they navigate how to approach working with me. It takes them an appointment or two to get their bearings. That is ok. However, I reserve the right to mock their behavior and statements.

Some (especially Yoga friends/colleagues) also don't understand why I keep going back to doctors. If they give me such a hard time why go back? Like I am some sort of glutton for their mistreatment or I am creating more issues by getting diagnoses. "Attached" to my "problems." However my diagnosis are not problems- they are just a description of something my body is doing. Ignoring them, not talking about them, living in denial is not going to make them go away. If our only form of communication is FB, keep in mind FB is not most of my life. I have a really awesome and vibrant life that I am too busy living to post about on FB. Many Yogis I know have great pride in the fact that they don't go to doctors. If you are able to keep balance without them, great! This is the way I look at it...  doctors give me information. When my body shifts out of balance, I do my best to re-align and bring it back. Often I can do this. However, living with a body that easily shifts in multiple directions at once can be confusing. I don't always realize that an issue has become a problem because I have become used to adjusting to it. Eventually I get perspective. I'm stubborn. It takes a while sometimes. When I go to a doctor, I am not seeking a diagnosis or asking them to fix me. I am seeking information that will give me a direction to work on. I think this is also a part that confuses docs. Most people walk in and want a fix. I walk in and want information so I can research and determine my own path. I will take their advice into consideration. I will consider pharmaceuticals if the time comes and I can't find another way to work it out. Usually I start with my weekly acupuncture appointment and tweaking my diet and lifestyle with Ayurvedic options. I use small little things and usually get good result. For everything going on that I am balancing- keep in mind I am doing awesome. I am not upset if a new issue pops up. New issues will pop up- I expect that. As you age, you should too. The body changes. It isn't a BAD thing, it is just the fluid nature of life.

One of my favorite Yogis B.K.S. Iyengar says "Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured." I adjust what I can. I adapt around the rest. I keep going either way.